Natural Childbirth
There is power that comes to women when they give birth. They don't ask for it, it simply invades them. Accumulates like clouds on the horizon and passes through, carrying the child with it." ...Sheryl Feldman
Joshua's Birth Story
Throughout my pregnancy with Joshua, I had joked with my friends that I was not going to go to the hospital until I was pushing. That way I would avoid medical intervention and I would not have to go through all the crap that I went through with Alex. Well, you know the saying "be careful what you wish for…"? Joshua was born at 9:08 p.m., exactly 28 minutes after we arrived at the hospital, on December 30 1997.
I had a prenatal appointment at 10:00 a.m. that day. I was a week "overdue" and starting to feel the threat of induction weighing in on me. I gave the Nurse Practitioner permission to do an exam hoping that she would tell me I was 3-4 cm dilated and at least 50% effaced - of course I wasn't. I was about 1.5-2 cm dilated (and she said that was being generous) and slightly effaced. For some insane reason I agreed to do a non-stress test - they are standard procedure when you are "overdue". Well, Josh was a sleepy babe that morning so I was hooked up to the stupid machine for an hour and a half waiting to get three movements in a 10-minute period. As I watched the paper rolling out of it I realized that I was having fairly regular contractions, about 10 minutes apart. In fact, towards the end of the session they were getting a little uncomfortable - like menstrual cramps. However, since I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions off and on for weeks I didn't think much of it.
When I finally got out of there I went home and had some lunch, afterwards I took Alex outside to play for a while (being a typical Indiana winter there wasn't any snow and the temperature was mild). I was still having contractions, they were about 5 minutes apart at that point. My Doula, Raven, was outside with her children so I talked to her for a while. I was fairly sure I was in "real" labor and very excited - Raven was trying to keep me grounded without discouraging me which basically amounted to 'this still could be "practice" labor, don't be too disappointed if it stops.'
After a few hours Alex and I went back inside and started to get ready for dinner. My contractions were getting more uncomfortable and closer together so I decided to time them. A friend called and I talked to her while making dinner. Towards the end of our conversation, I was no longer able to talk through the contractions. My log revealed that they were about 60 seconds long and coming every 2.5-3 minutes. About that time, Phil came home and we ate dinner. Afterwards I decided to lay down on the couch and watch a little TV to try to divert my mind. Alex wanted to lay down with me and would not hold still - I ended up yelling at him and then felt really bad about it (hindsight tells me that this was probably the beginning of transition).
I decided to take a warm bath while Phil put Alex to bed. I got in the tub and it felt great for about 10 minutes. Then the contractions got worse! My back was killing me; I ended up on my hands and knees in the bathtub, which was about the only position in which I could deal with them. I tried to check my cervix to get an idea of how dilated I was but I could not find it. I had this fear that I was only at 3 cm and I was going to be stuck there all night (I was at 3 cm with Alex for over 15 hours). I was sobbing - I kept saying "I can't do this, I can't take this, I can't do this all night…I can't handle it." (A classic sign of transition.) At about that point Phil came in, he had just gotten Alex to sleep, when he saw me he asked if I wanted him to call Raven. "Yes!" I sobbed, he went to go call Raven and I stood up to get out of the tub and sank right back down with another contraction. When it was over I managed to get out of the tub, but I could not even get a towel around me before I was on my knees leaning over tub with another contraction. Phil came in to tell me that Raven was on her way over and I made him do some counter pressure on my back. Somehow, I managed to get dressed between contractions.
When Raven arrived, I was laying down in bed breathing deep and slow, trying to relax. She immediately started rubbing my back and telling me how good I was doing and I silently thanked God for her. She suggested that we go to hospital and get settled in, I didn't want to go anywhere (another sign of transition). I was still afraid that I was going to get there and find out that I was only 3 cm and that I had the whole night ahead of me. I kept begging her to tell me that it was all going to be over soon…of course she wouldn't. I remember joking with her about it; at least I still had my sense of humor about me. Looking back, I realize that Phil and Raven were probably worried that they were not going to get me to leave. Raven came around to the side of the bed and squatted down in front of me to talk to me. That is when I started shaking uncontrollably between contractions (again, a classic sign of transition). That was when it sunk it, I knew at that point that we had to hurry!
Phil had at some point called our friend and neighbor, Heather, to come over and watch Alex for us. Heather called the Dr. to let him know the baby was on the way! Phil and Raven helped me to the living room, where I was again on my knees, leaning on a chair while Raven massaged my back. I think it was at that point that I started using the 'sounding' technique I learned in my "Gentle Childbirth" classes. The theory is to keep you vocalizations in a low pitch (as opposed to a high pitched shriek) to reduce tension. In early labor it sounds like a mantra or a chant, as labor progresses it naturally becomes more of a moaning sound. I remember thinking "How embarrassing, I could never do that" when Raven was telling the class about it. Yet there I was, moaning without a care for who heard me or what they thought about it! Raven managed to get my socks and shoes on me and they proceeded to help me walk (more like they carried me) to the car. Phil pulled the car seats out of the back and stuck them in the trunk. I laid down facing the back seat so Raven could keep up the on my back. It was on the way to the hospital that my moans started to catch in my throat and become more of a grunt as I had the undeniable urge to push! Raven must have heard it because she was telling me "don't push, breathe." I couldn't help it; I could no more stop my body from trying to push my baby out then I could stop a train. Raven said "don't put any extra effort into it, breathe."
We arrived at the hospital and there was a wheelchair waiting to take me up to labor & delivery. The admissions woman wanted a bunch of information and Raven basically told her 'she's having a baby, NOW!' Phil said he would give her the basics and Raven cast an "is that o.k. with you?" look my way to which I just nodded yes. I was really having trouble keeping from pushing so Raven had me do the stupid Lamaze breathing "he he he he who, he he he he who" and it actually helped.
We made it to the delivery room and the nurses handed me a gown to put on and a cup to pee in. Raven asked me if I needed help, which of course I did. She helped me undress and put the annoying hospital gown on, all modesty was gone by that point, and helped me while I sat there trying to pee in the stupid little cup. About that time, Phil finally made it up to the room. I was put in bed (on my back - of course) and the nurse who checked me declared that I was 9.5 cm dilated. What followed was a frantic dash to find a doctor to deliver the baby (our on call doctor had not shown up yet). At one point, I heard someone suggest an ER Resident to which I think I may have screamed an emphatic "NO!" Amazingly enough the doctor I had really wanted to have (but could not get in to) was delivering a baby who was taking his or her sweet time so he came in for us.
He decided to break my water and I was too involved in getting the baby out to object. He announced that there was meconium in the fluid, which caused some apprehension in all of us. Laying semi-prone had put Joshua's head just right so it was pressing on a nerve in my hip and all I could do was scream in pain "MY LEG - OH GOD MY HIP HURTS!" That was just enough to make me loose control, everything becomes a blur at this point. I remember feeling like the doctor was stabbing me with his fingernails or something and me screaming at him to get his hands off me. Everyone looked at me as if I was crazy. Phil and Raven both very gently told me that he was not touching me. The doctor was sitting about a foot away from me with both hands up in the air saying "I'm not doing anything."
The nurses started their "PUSH, PUSH, PUSH!" chant, which I ignored. Raven diplomatically explained that I wanted to use gentle-pushing techniques but they ignored her. "She's fine…" the doctor looked at me and said, "you do whatever you want." Raven suggested that if I used controlled exhalation the baby would be born faster. I took a couple deep breaths, then held my breath while Raven counted to ten, exhaled, took a couple more deep breaths and did it again. Several minutes latter Joshua was born! I had in my birth plan that I did not want the doctor to announce the gender. (We did not have an ultrasound, and wanted to be surprised. I was convinced I was going to have a girl and so were our families). Raven was on top of the situation, explaining to everyone before he was completely out that we wanted to discover the gender for ourselves. Right after he was born, Raven turned to me and said look. I did, and I said "Oh boy…." It is not that I was disappointed, just in shock - Phil, of course, was beaming…another son.
It was in our birth plan that they would wait to clamp the cord and that Phil would cut it and the baby would be placed on my tummy. When the doctor started to clamp the cord to cut it and Phil objected - that was his privilege. The doctor cut him off and proceeded while Raven explained to Phil and I that he had inhaled some meconium and was not breathing. The nurses took him over to the isolette and suctioned him but he still was hardly breathing on his own. They ended up putting a tube down his throat to get him breathing. Raven asked me right away if we had a name picked out yet, I told her "Joshua Connor". She urged us "Talk to him, he can hear you." So we did, I felt a little awkward talking to him while the nurses worked to get him breathing. However, I imagined how scared he must have been and I called out to him, reassured him that he was safe and mommy was still there. Phil took the camera and got as close to him as he could get, took pictures of him and talked to him. They finally got him breathing on his own - It was the longest five minutes of my life. They started to take him to the nursery and Phil, Raven and I all objected. Phil and I demanded time alone with him before they would be allowed to examine him further.
I did not have an episiotomy, I did not tear, but I did have a couple "skid marks". At some point during all this a nurse came over to clean me up. She started sponging my bottom with what must have been an antiseptic solution because I just about hit the ceiling! I started screaming at her, which she seemed rather annoyed with, and Raven rather coolly said to her "You know, she hasn't had any anesthetic…."
We managed to fend them off for an hour before they started insisting Joshua go to the nursery. I tried frantically during that time to get him to nurse but he just wasn't interested. Looking back, his throat was probably raw from that tube. Our OB finally showed up at this point and congratulated us before going back home. Phil went with Joshua to the nursery, gave him his first bath and watched over him to make sure they did not do anything that we had stated we did not want done. Meanwhile, Raven helped me get up and settled into our recovery room.
Two hours latter Phil and Joshua finally made it to the room. Raven stayed just long enough to make sure we were all comfortable. I finally got Joshua to nurse but he kept having problems latching on and staying on. The Pediatrician who examined him the next morning pointed out that his fore & middle fingers were raw from him sucking on them in the womb - thus the mystery of why he had trouble latching on correctly was solved. For the first few months it was a real struggle to keep him on the breast, every time his hands touched his face he would let go of the nipple and root towards his fingers. Eventually everything straightened out though.
We ended up having to stay in the hospital for 48 hours because I was Step B positive and had not had time to be treated with antibiotics during labor. Joshua roomed in with me and we were not disturbed too much. It was not too bad although I really would have rather been at home.
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Natural Mothering: Joshua's Birth Story
First on-line: 01/30/1998